A Life Decision I Had To Choose

Studying physical therapy is super challenging. It’s good lending your hands because you know you can help them & they need you. Giving time, knowledge, efforts to be a health professional is really something. It’s a gift. My parents, we’re into business and I am not much into that. Mediocre in science way back in high school & I don’t like math. Inspired by my eldest sister who is now a Physical Therapist, She’s the one that I look up to. Not of nepotism, but she’s four years older than me and growing up, we’re pretty close, we shared the same bedroom and learn a lot from her.

At 16-year-old, I am trying to think on my own future and what will I become someday. I chose this medical field not for the future income, acquainting with bodies, & desire to help to obtain optimal progress but because I had a little background on it when I was younger. I have been to a rehabilitation center for pediatric patients because my twin sister who have Cerebral Palsy. I was interested how therapist deals with their patients, they are so calm, compassionate and creative. and so, I was interested in studying it. The first 3 years was okay, I can still handle the school load. Enjoyed wearing scrubs, group studies, dissecting cadavers, exploring the human body, I was motivated going to class lectures & interacting with others.

Now after four years, I ended up with a dilemma.

I had a chance taking 2 major subjects for a month and a half to cope up for the internship this June 2015, but I did not take it.

It was because I was pressured. I had 1 week to decide to take it or not.  I declined the opportunity was because I was not emotionally ready. It felt like my mind would explode thinking of this life decision. That one school year has given me stress. There was a time I don’t know what to do anymore all I know was to quit is not my option. Some of them questioned me, some gave me gifts thinking I am not okay, someone who was like my mom who me told me that maybe I can’t handle the summer program. I was hurt. During and sometime last school year my attitude changed, my family can’t even talk to me because I was hot-tempered and too sensitive because I:

  • failed a subject on the 1st semester, and failed again another subject on the 2nd
  • anxiety attacks (mostly during practical exams)
  • suffered insomnia
  • I’ve been sleep deprived since June 2014
  • Had a professor that embarrassed me in front of the class as if I’m dumb. I only experienced this kind of treatment from this professor not only once but several times. The rest of the faculty, we’re good to me.
  • I have lower self-esteem.

So days turned to weeks, weeks turned to a month. It was quite of an adjustment. the past month, I felt I rather stay home, watch a movie, I don’t even want to socialize, got rid of social media because I refuse to see what I could have achieved. I was sad.

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Does being sad makes me weak? Am I weak?  I’ve done everything, but it just didn’t work. All of my batch mates strived to be an intern this year and passed last sem. I just want success; with what I have decided, I have my own pace, and I know I will get there.

I’ve never imagined this to come, I am thankful for this experience because I know I will get stronger and better.


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