TATBILB: Julio, My First Heartbeak

I can still remember when and where I met you. It was in our school canteen. His sense of humor was one of a kind. I was a shy girl and you would joke around while walking through the corridor. We became close without me noticing it until friends of mine making jokes about me having a boyfriend, I was in an all girls class back then. You being at the honor’s class and me, with my grades barely hanging would always cheer me up and motivate me to do better next time. Dismissal time was kind of our time waiting for our parents to fetch us up, we’d do crazy things kids do. In high school, I remembered, we had a petty fight over something I couldn’t remember. We didn’t speak for weeks but ended up having our families together on a summer day,  had so much fun and forgot about our fight. I started to like him and my feeling grew even more though we we’re in different college and barely see each other. On Valentine’s day, I asked you out for a date and confessed that I liked you but you said that you can’t reciprocate your feelings. I was being a nice girl, had my heart broken and  very first time I cried for a man. A year has passed, I learned from a friend who was his co-intern that he’s gay. It all made sense, he never did date a girl and recently told me he would never have a girlfriend. It was okay with me even though we never talk about it, although I’m pushing hints on our conversation. Before I left the Philippines, you were there because our families really close. Today, I’m happy to be friends with you and make wonderful memories as we go through our adulthood.

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This guy is included in my story because he’s special to me and still exist in my life.

I don’t know how to write this, I also posted this. Let me know which do you prefer?

PHOTO WAS TAKEN @WEHEARTIT

Learning A New Language

What do I speak? Filipino, English and a bit of Bisaya

I can understand phrases in Mandarin, Italian and Spanish.

We had Italian class in high school, but I never know how to speak it. Maybe because we don’t have someone to speak it with. Understood Spanish because it’s quite similar to Filipino. My grandma’s half Chinese so I learned some.

Now I was offered to learn Korean. I want to try speaking it at least. I want a Korean friend. I have one, but she’s now back in Korea. maybe I’ll find a friend in class who could I speak with. Or maybe I’ll be friends with the professor and maybe I want to teach them English in return because they are many Koreans here in the Philippines. 

What language are you interested to learn?

A Life Decision I Had To Choose

Studying physical therapy is super challenging. It’s good lending your hands because you know you can help them & they need you. Giving time, knowledge, efforts to be a health professional is really something. It’s a gift. My parents, we’re into business and I am not much into that. Mediocre in science way back in high school & I don’t like math. Inspired by my eldest sister who is now a Physical Therapist, She’s the one that I look up to. Not of nepotism, but she’s four years older than me and growing up, we’re pretty close, we shared the same bedroom and learn a lot from her.

At 16-year-old, I am trying to think on my own future and what will I become someday. I chose this medical field not for the future income, acquainting with bodies, & desire to help to obtain optimal progress but because I had a little background on it when I was younger. I have been to a rehabilitation center for pediatric patients because my twin sister who have Cerebral Palsy. I was interested how therapist deals with their patients, they are so calm, compassionate and creative. and so, I was interested in studying it. The first 3 years was okay, I can still handle the school load. Enjoyed wearing scrubs, group studies, dissecting cadavers, exploring the human body, I was motivated going to class lectures & interacting with others.

Now after four years, I ended up with a dilemma.

I had a chance taking 2 major subjects for a month and a half to cope up for the internship this June 2015, but I did not take it.

It was because I was pressured. I had 1 week to decide to take it or not.  I declined the opportunity was because I was not emotionally ready. It felt like my mind would explode thinking of this life decision. That one school year has given me stress. There was a time I don’t know what to do anymore all I know was to quit is not my option. Some of them questioned me, some gave me gifts thinking I am not okay, someone who was like my mom who me told me that maybe I can’t handle the summer program. I was hurt. During and sometime last school year my attitude changed, my family can’t even talk to me because I was hot-tempered and too sensitive because I:

• failed a subject on the 1st semester, and failed again another subject on the 2nd
• anxiety attacks (mostly during practical exams)
• suffered insomnia
• I’ve been sleep deprived since June 2014
• Had a professor that embarrassed me in front of the class as if I’m dumb. I only experienced this kind of treatment from this professor not only once but several times. The rest of the faculty, we’re good to me.
• I have lower self-esteem.

So days turned to weeks, weeks turned to a month. It was quite of an adjustment. the past month, I felt I rather stay home, watch a movie, I don’t even want to socialize, got rid of social media because I refuse to see what I could have achieved. I was sad.

Does being sad makes me weak? Am I weak?  I’ve done everything, but it just didn’t work. All of my batch mates strived to be an intern this year and passed last sem. I just want success; with what I have decided, I have my own pace, and I know I will get there.

I’ve never imagined this to come, I am thankful for this experience because I know I will get stronger and better.